This Thing Called Forgiveness...

After a long break from church, I went for a service 'shingo-upande' because I had made a promise to my best friend that I would show up. Ah! The things we do for love! I was in for a pleasant surprise though, as the sermon was something I really needed to hear. It came at the right time and it inspired this post.

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forgive: / fəˈgɪv/, v. to pardon: to overlook: stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw, or mistake.

We are human. We have emotions and in our daily interactions we offend each other. We are never offended by inanimate objects, in fact I have never heard of anybody with a long standing feud against a tree, car, building etc. Anyway, these offences are pretty subjective and very much relative. What you may perceive to be offensive is what I will easily let slide or not find offensive at all. However there are those wrongs done to you that shake you to your very core. They cause hurt and anger/rage. They make you curse, lose appetite and suffer insomnia. In as much as people have different coping mechanisms, at the end of the day you have to choose whether to let go or dwell on whatever “crime” that was committed against you.

Forgiveness is one of the most painful emotional experiences a human being could ever go through. You oscillate between the relief and freedom that it brings you and the feeling that your offender will take you for a fool for choosing to accept their “crime” and overlooking it. You may feel that it is an indirect way of encouraging your offender to repeat his/her wrong because he/she believes you will forgive them after all.

It is more painful because you have to allow yourself to mourn. To relive what was done to you. To accept that what was done, was done and no matter what, cannot be undone. After this you have to let go; of the anger and to give room for an olive branch; if reconciliation is an option. All this is easier said than done...but it can be done. With time and with patience.

We always dwell on what is done to us by others. How about being on the receiving end of forgiveness? None of us is blameless; we also hurt others and ourselves too. That thing that you did that makes you feel stupid and disappointed in yourself. Those self-inflicted wounds. That thing you did that does not allow you to look at your friend in the eye. Your conscience will not let you sleep. Then you need to acknowledge that you did wrong and ask your aggrieved friend for forgiveness. If they do not give it quickly, give it time. If they do not give it, forgive yourself and move on. At least you tried.

Forgiving yourself is hard. You are left alone with your conscience to deal with in the dead of night. Those awkward moments when an unrelated statement is made and it resonates within you and you feel as if it is targeting you. A guilty conscience is a burden too heavy to bear. Don’t just chalk it up to simply being human though, even Enoch was but he was blameless. But humbly and with remorse, accept that you have tripped and that you have no choice but to stand, dust yourself off, regain balance and prove to yourself and your Maker that you are a better person.

My mum always tells me that happiness is a choice. I tend to think it is a function of the choices that we make. When you choose to forgive, you have not unnecessary baggage and thus a sunny disposition is something you cannot help.

Forgiveness is a work in progress. If you cannot run, walk, if you cannot walk, crawl. But keep moving...